Balance

Balance. It’s the one thing that every mother strives for daily. Did I say “I love you” enough, did I give enough hugs, did they learn enough, is the laundry done, what’s for dinner, oh shit I need to mop the floors. Being a mother is about never having enough time. Every day I think “was I enough” and every day the answer is no. Not because I didn’t do my best, but because society insists your best wasn’t good enough. According to facebook, instagram, and pinterest you can always be doing more. I think this whole internet phase (haha) is taking a toll on all of us, especially mothers. Sometimes you need to stop and realize you ARE enough. The other day I realized, I am enough. As I laid my kids down to bed, staring into their sweet little faces and giving them tickle kisses, I had a moment of realization. Special times like these are all that really matter. That is literally all my kids want. In my mind, I'm running through my normal checklist -- teeth brushed, toys picked up, dishes done, laundry drying -- but I realized instead of running through that list, I’m going to enjoy the way it feels to kiss my daughters’ foreheads. The sound in their voices when they say “I love you, mama.” Their opinion of me is the only one that matters. They are my scale of "enough" and every night that I tuck their happy, smiling faces into bed, it reassures me that I am enough.

Oh hey

Oh blogging, you're so 2012! Turns out, being a stay at home mom leaves little time for blogging, but it's a new year so why not give it the old college try. Where to begin.... to sum up the last two years of my life. We bought a 126 year old building and have began renovating it. That is something I really wish I would blogged about from the start. The building has a basement, main-level storefront, and an upstairs that was previously a shooting range. Over the course of two years my amazingly talented husband and family have completely renovated the top floor into our dream loft. We moved in back in September of 2013, even though it isn't quite done yet (I'm learning it will never be truly done, there is always room for improvement). The ultimate goal is to finish renovating the main floor over the course of the next five years and then rent both floors and build our dream house. Fingers crossed. Renovating a building is not something I would recommend. You need an immense amount of patience. Which, as we all know, I have none of. It has been a very trying time for my marriage and our family. But after all of the struggles of money, paint colors, flooring, etc we are finally enjoying the fruits of my husbands labors. I am forever grateful to him and our families for sacrificing so much for our little family.

In other news, my oldest is in first grade and this is my last year of having my baby girl home with me all day because next year she is off to preschool. I'm already preparing myself to be completely lost. In a previous blog, I mentioned how I've lost a lot of my identity in being a mom — a problem I gladly accept. I'd do anything for my girls. Them being my entire life is a good problem to have. Being a stay at home mom means doing a lot of things, but having the girls all to myself is by far the best part. Selfish... maybe? They know that they are safe at home, that mama will always be there. I don't want to share them with the world, even thought I know I have to. As hard as it will be to adjust, I am grateful for the time I have gotten to spend with them. They very smart, polite, and hilarious. I only hope that I prepared them enough to join the "real world."

Life is busier than ever and only going to get busier. I really hope to continue writing and sharing stories. It's always been a great hobby to have.

Slaves to our minds

“Many of us are slaves to our minds. Our own mind is our worst enemy. We try to focus, and our mind wanders off. We try to keep stress at bay, but anxiety keeps us awake at night. We try to be good to the people we love, but then we forget them and put ourselves first. And when we want to change our life, we dive into spiritual practice and expect quick results, only to lose focus after the honeymoon has worn off. We return to our state of bewilderment. We’re left feeling helpless and discouraged. It seems we all agree that training the body through exercise, diet, and relaxation is a good idea, but why don’t we think about training our minds?" - Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

Fear

Acknowledging fear is not a cause for depression or discouragement, because we possess such fear, we also are potentially entitled to experience fearlessness. True fearlessness is not the reduction of fear; but going beyond fear. -Chogyam Trungpa

Woohoo!

“No, you can’t deny women their basic rights and pretend it’s about your “religious freedom.” If you don’t like birth control, don’t use it. Religious freedom doesn’t mean you can force others to live by your own beliefs." -President Barack Obama

Senate defeats limit on birth control coverage

We Are Warriors

GOP scares the hell out of me. Mostly for the future of my daughters.

Love

“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

- Maya Angelou