Slaves to our minds

“Many of us are slaves to our minds. Our own mind is our worst enemy. We try to focus, and our mind wanders off. We try to keep stress at bay, but anxiety keeps us awake at night. We try to be good to the people we love, but then we forget them and put ourselves first. And when we want to change our life, we dive into spiritual practice and expect quick results, only to lose focus after the honeymoon has worn off. We return to our state of bewilderment. We’re left feeling helpless and discouraged. It seems we all agree that training the body through exercise, diet, and relaxation is a good idea, but why don’t we think about training our minds?" - Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

Fear

Acknowledging fear is not a cause for depression or discouragement, because we possess such fear, we also are potentially entitled to experience fearlessness. True fearlessness is not the reduction of fear; but going beyond fear. -Chogyam Trungpa

Woohoo!

“No, you can’t deny women their basic rights and pretend it’s about your “religious freedom.” If you don’t like birth control, don’t use it. Religious freedom doesn’t mean you can force others to live by your own beliefs." -President Barack Obama

Senate defeats limit on birth control coverage

We Are Warriors

GOP scares the hell out of me. Mostly for the future of my daughters.

Love

“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

- Maya Angelou

Madness

“We must stand firm between two kinds of madness: the belief that we can do anything; and the belief that we can do nothing."

-Alain, Alain on Happiness, Translated by Robert D. and Jane E. Cottrell, 1989

Identity

"The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live." - Norman Cousins

When did I lose my identity? I once was Nicole: art school student, website designer, photographer, music lover, concert goer, soccer player, sports enthusiast, etc. Somehow over the last five years, I have become known solely as Marley and Quinn’s mother and Jason’s wife. Not that those aren’t good things, but I miss being me. I know this sounds selfish, but I have just been feeling lost – that I am missing something in my life. My normal day revolves around my family. I cook their meals, clean their messes, and smother them with so much love it’s disgusting. I am at a crossroad – I need to either become ok with who I am now or I need to make a serious effort to get back a small part of myself. Now, someone explain to me how to do either one of those things…

Kindness

Marley and I ran some errands this morning before Quinn got up. We picked up some things for an up coming baby shower and some clearance Valentines Day candy. We decided to stop at the Donut Shop in town and have a quick breakfast date. We were surrounded by elderly people having coffee and chatting with their friends. It is super cute, like out of a movie. There was one older lady sitting all by herself and, of course, my four year old asked me why she didn’t have any friends. I explained that she probably just wanted to have breakfast by herself. I asked if Marley she wanted to share some of her valentines candy with the lady. She got a huge smile on her face and screeched “Of course!” She handed the lady a marshmallow heart and said, “Happy Valentine’s Day!” The lady was so shocked. She said it was the only Valentine’s gift she got this year and we all chatted for five minutes or so. She was very surprised and happy. I could not be more proud of Marley. She didn’t even hesite to give her candy to a stranger in an act of kindness. After we got back in the car Marley told me, with a big smile on her face, “Did you know that lady didn’t even get a Valentine!? Good thing I gave her one.” I am so proud that at four years old she realizes the value of random acts of kindness.

Blah!

I haven’t worked out in a week and I feel like total shit. It seems to be a running theme in my life. I can either do it all or I can do nothing. Basically it all comes down to me wanting to be the best at everything — I want all my laundry and dishes done, dinner cooked, the house cleaned, and an hour and half work out. Is that too much to ask? I guess I have just lost my motivation. If I miss a few days of working out, I make excuses as to why I don’t have time to work out. Before I know it, it has been a week and I'm in a terrible mood. I don’t like the way I feel when I don’t work out, but I can’t seem to make myself get on the treadmill. I need someone to smack me in the face and push me down to the basement. Once I get back in my routine, I am sure everything will fall into place as it usually does. I am hoping this afternoon I can move my ass, otherwise I am just planning on becoming morbidly obese. Wish me luck!

Night Owl

“Food, fire, walks, dreams, cold, sleep, love, slowness, time, quiet, books, seasons – all these things, which are not really things, but moments of life – take on a different quality at night-time, where the moon reflects the light of the sun, and we have time to reflect what life is to us, knowing that it passes, and that every bit of it, in its change and its difference, is the here and now of what we have."

"Life is too short to be all daylight. Night is not less; it’s more."

Jeanette Winterson, from Why I adore the night

Deadline

I knew this would happen; I saw it coming and I should have been more prepared — my time as a mother is ending and I am having some sort of “mom-life crisis”. I am at the point in my life where I want another baby, which, obviously, isn’t in the cards for me. The rational part of me knows my family is complete. I know that having my two beautiful healthy girls is enough, but not having another baby means that in three short years, both of my girls will be in school… and then what do I do? My entire life is built around my children and husband. I have a routine, my house is always clean, I get to work out during naptime, dinner is on the table at 5:30 every day and, most importantly, my children are happy. I love being home with them. It is what I was made to do. Realizing that this phase of my life is coming to an end is terrifying. The house will still need to be cleaned and I will be involved with school in any way I can, but my babies will be out in the world without me. I guess I have until August to get semi-ok with it. My sweet Goose will be off to kindergarten and it will just be Quinn and I. If anything, I suppose, these worries and thoughts will remind me to enjoy every moment while they are still home with me.