Balance

Balance. It’s the one thing that every mother strives for daily. Did I say “I love you” enough, did I give enough hugs, did they learn enough, is the laundry done, what’s for dinner, oh shit I need to mop the floors. Being a mother is about never having enough time. Every day I think “was I enough” and every day the answer is no. Not because I didn’t do my best, but because society insists your best wasn’t good enough. According to facebook, instagram, and pinterest you can always be doing more. I think this whole internet phase (haha) is taking a toll on all of us, especially mothers. Sometimes you need to stop and realize you ARE enough. The other day I realized, I am enough. As I laid my kids down to bed, staring into their sweet little faces and giving them tickle kisses, I had a moment of realization. Special times like these are all that really matter. That is literally all my kids want. In my mind, I'm running through my normal checklist -- teeth brushed, toys picked up, dishes done, laundry drying -- but I realized instead of running through that list, I’m going to enjoy the way it feels to kiss my daughters’ foreheads. The sound in their voices when they say “I love you, mama.” Their opinion of me is the only one that matters. They are my scale of "enough" and every night that I tuck their happy, smiling faces into bed, it reassures me that I am enough.

Oh hey

Oh blogging, you're so 2012! Turns out, being a stay at home mom leaves little time for blogging, but it's a new year so why not give it the old college try. Where to begin.... to sum up the last two years of my life. We bought a 126 year old building and have began renovating it. That is something I really wish I would blogged about from the start. The building has a basement, main-level storefront, and an upstairs that was previously a shooting range. Over the course of two years my amazingly talented husband and family have completely renovated the top floor into our dream loft. We moved in back in September of 2013, even though it isn't quite done yet (I'm learning it will never be truly done, there is always room for improvement). The ultimate goal is to finish renovating the main floor over the course of the next five years and then rent both floors and build our dream house. Fingers crossed. Renovating a building is not something I would recommend. You need an immense amount of patience. Which, as we all know, I have none of. It has been a very trying time for my marriage and our family. But after all of the struggles of money, paint colors, flooring, etc we are finally enjoying the fruits of my husbands labors. I am forever grateful to him and our families for sacrificing so much for our little family.

In other news, my oldest is in first grade and this is my last year of having my baby girl home with me all day because next year she is off to preschool. I'm already preparing myself to be completely lost. In a previous blog, I mentioned how I've lost a lot of my identity in being a mom — a problem I gladly accept. I'd do anything for my girls. Them being my entire life is a good problem to have. Being a stay at home mom means doing a lot of things, but having the girls all to myself is by far the best part. Selfish... maybe? They know that they are safe at home, that mama will always be there. I don't want to share them with the world, even thought I know I have to. As hard as it will be to adjust, I am grateful for the time I have gotten to spend with them. They very smart, polite, and hilarious. I only hope that I prepared them enough to join the "real world."

Life is busier than ever and only going to get busier. I really hope to continue writing and sharing stories. It's always been a great hobby to have.